looking back, shall we?

woa it's Jan 13 already. 2014!
let's looking back for awhile.

2013.
2013 was so complex.
I went through some drastic transitions.

I woke up one morning in January 1st. Counting down the days before the final exam. Cursing how short it was the new year holiday. Cursing how fast it was the time passes. Enjoying as much as I can my last months in senior year, enjoying the time I had to stare at my high school crush. It was silly back then.

I woke up one morning in the middle of February. I was going to apply to the State University National Entrance Selection. I already have made up my mind. I did picturing my future would be like. I was so sure with the university I applied to, which faculty will I take, I was a hundred percent sure. Eventho mum was a little hesitated with that, I did making plans. Perfect plans. I was depending on this entrance selection completely. I've prepared so much for this, I never let my score getting lower because they said if I did, I won't pass the selection. I gathered certificates and charter as much as I can to be my qualifications. I've prepared so much.

I woke up one morning in the second week of April. It was the final exams week. I could feel my blood rushing inside, excited yet scared at the same time. Stupid questions were struggling inside my head: how if I didn't make it? how if I disappointed mum and dad? how if I made it to the last rank?

I woke up one morning in April 23rd. I woke up so early because I had several things to do. In the evening, I walked with high heels for the first time. I walked slowly through the lobby, fixing my dress and my hair - making sure they're still doing well. I stared myself at the mirror for several times, making sure my make up didn't really heavy. I got in the ball room and no one was already there but a friend of mine preparing some stuff. The clock strikes 7, the ball room was getting crowded. It was one of the best nights I ever had. Though some close friends got their asses off the town already and missed it, but I sure had a great night. It was a perfect prom night.

I woke up one morning and it was June 9th. I got my stuff already packed.

I woke up one morning in the middle of June and far away from home. Felt hopeless, clueless, empty. Felt like being pushed to the limit, forced to run but nobody tells you the direction. Felt like trapped in a box, dark, cramped, confined. One morning after you realized your biggest dream has been wrecked, and there is no way to gather all the small pieces and fix it.

I was in the taxi, on my way to watch a basketball game with a few friends. Felt like somebody keeps punching my stomach. I keep holding my phone waiting for a call. It rang. It was mum. I made it. I graduated and the result was good. I burst into tears. I graduated from high school.

I woke up one morning in the first week of July. My eyes were hurt, I just got a few hours of sleep. I packed up my stuff all night long. My friends helped me to carry my suitcase downstairs and the taxi was already there. I was going back home, alone, broken-hearted.

Now I'm living my university life. And it's time to flip the calendar.
Nothing ever go the way you planned them to. No matter how perfect the plans were made.
We need to be realistic sometimes. Hopes are still hopes until you get up from your daydreaming. Hoping is never enough.





yes.
hoping is never enough.