Trapped

It's raining for a whole day. I skipped microeconomics class, instead I laid on the couch watching Adventure Time and having warm soy milk mom bought for me all morning. I felt a little break-down yesterday, but I kinda felt so wrong too. And this feeling hasn't leave me until today.

I saw someone is on her way chasing her dream and she is so close already. I supposed to feel happy for her since she is my friend, but I just can't. I feel pathetic. I have so many dreams, I wrote them down, I hung them on my wall, I mentioned them in every single pray, but I realized: I never really do something. I never really do something to get closer to those dreams. This year I'm going 19, and then 20, then 21 then so on. All that I got are failures. Doors closed. Big white walls to blocked me. I'm such a moron.

I'm trapped. Trapped in this small city while my mind keeps drifting away, it kills me. Sometimes I get fed up with the sidewalks, the trees, the places. Sometimes I feel so strange, I don't get those people. Sometimes I want to know how it feels like to miss home so badly until I can't hold my feet from heading to the airport. Sometimes I want to know how it feels being a hundred thousand miles away from here, meeting new faces, dress up wearing knee boots and fur coat walking down the street, dye my hair with shcoking colors I don't care I'll be look like an asian nicki minaj they don't know who I am anyway. This city reminds me so many painful things, things I want to let go. I want to try to be somebody new, starting over, people have no idea about who I was. I want to speak another languages, I want to get off my roots for awhile.








Why can't I?
Why don't you let my feet go?

"...but at the time, I just saw Alaska up there. And it was big, just like I wanted to be. And it was damn far away from Vine Station, Alabama, just like I wanted to be."
Looking For Alaska ; page 53