When I was wandering around Thought Catalog during Operation Research class (I did it to keep myself from being sleepy during the class!), I found a really interesting post from Nicole Dolores. Her post titled "A letter to my 11-years-old self", you can read it here -> x.
Then, I started to think to make one too. I tried so hard to remember in what age I still felt like the world is completely fine—the only thing that can hurt my feelings is when mom didn't let me play outside with kids my age, and forced me to take some nap when I don't even feel to do so. I think when I was in fourth grade, something that really matter to me was having a group of people that I can call as BFF. It was when I was 10. I watched too much soap operas, and I acted like Anna from Amigos at school. And, I think fourth grade is the time when I started to look for who I truly am, which people I could call as BFF, first crush, all those super silly stuff. So, I want to write a letter to my 10 years old self.
Hello, you.
Me.
Yeah, fourth grader me.
This is December already and just to let you know that you're gonna turn 20 in less than 11 months. Do not freak out, okay? Because, well, it will happen anyway. I know you always imagine how will you look like when you're 20 something because I know you watched those awful soap operas everyday on tv. Ah, first thing I want you to do is please stop watching them because what they show you, none of them is true. Real life is more cruel than a pack of mean girls locking you inside the school toilet. Or high school skirt is not that short. Or the head of school council is always the "it" guy. Oops.
I think you just started to be sure that later you want to be an architect, aren't you? But not like a hundred percent sure because mom said you have to be really good at math and the fact is you are really suck at it. The only thing you know you are really good at is drawing. Then, let me guess, you had this kind of thought like "I can work it out, I still have.. how many? years! to learn math!" yep, that's true. Still long years ahead before college, right? But I'm gonna tell you this: things are not always work out the way you wanted them to. Failure is a common thing. Every single person alive on earth experienced it. Don't ever lose your strength once you face it. God always have a plan for you, and sometimes God's plan is better than yours. You just have to believe. I'm not intending to make you down and stop dreaming to be an architect, don't you even dare to stop dreaming about that. You still have your drawings hanging on the wall, don't you? And that one drawing that hung by dad? Keep them. Draw as many drawings as you can because, I'm telling you, you'll find it so hard to have such a spare time to do it. And math? pffft. Hang on for the next few years and it's gonna be your piece of cake.
One thing that excites you to go to school everyday is meeting your friends, am I right? You feel like they are your BFF, you're gonna be with them like forever, you're gonna make it to junior high, senior high, college, together. I think this will make you a little cringy, but people don't always stay. Most people are like the weather, they changed constantly. Don't be too attach to a person, because in the end they are just strangers that happened to be your friends. It's natural, you know. You'll change too, it will take some time. The way you think, the way you see people, the way you interact with new people, it will never be the same as you are now. Do you get it so far? Just don't be too attach to other people or you'll face such a hard time once you find they're not there anymore. Some tips for you: don't lose yourself too far when you hit junior high. Life is not a one fine sunny day in the park surrounded by tulips and roses, stop thinking like you're the coolest person hanging with cool people talking about cool stuff—Bieber will be such a sloppy douché in a few years, sorry for being such a spoiler. Remember: weather never stay the same for a long period of time. When you go to senior high, don't waste your time recovering yourself. Don't put yourself inside a giant bubble hating everyone then sign up for that student exchange program you missed on 10th grade—take a note for this, please. The year when high school is finally over, I want you to know it's okay to feel pressured. Do you ever wonder how does it feel like to wake up in the morning feeling numb, empty, lost, and faraway from home? But then again, failure is a common thing. And some even say that failure is just the beginning for something good. But it's okay to feel like your world is completely shattered for once, because it will make you even stronger.
In the end you'll be totally fine. You've worked really hard. You should be proud of yourself.
Let's talk about something "girly" here. I think I won't spoil it to you how many guys you'll date until you turn 19. And if you knew who will be your first boyfriend, you'll be like "seriously???!!!". I bet. And, no. I won't tell.
But the record is not pretty impressive, tho. Don't take the lovey dovey stuff too serious, little me. Because there are many greater things to worry about. Don't say you love someone easily, and don't believe it when a boy says he loves you easily either. Or you'll end up throwing a cute stuff animal into a trash can and crying on the phone with your friend. And removing him from your Facebook friends list. And facing a plenty of awkward moments at school. Think about that.
Oh, and, please watch your eating habit. You don't feel anything for now when you eat a bucket of chicken wings but you'll regret them later. I'm typing this while eating raw carrots and steamed tofu right now. For lunch. The price for a wings bucket from KFC is not really IDR70, I'm telling you. The real price for it is peach yogurt in the morning, steamed tofu for lunch, sugar free green tea for dinner, and zumba class on weekend.
You have to know that it is so lucky to be you. Love yourself, laugh as much as possible, learn as many things as you possibly can. You'll get so many opportunities, you'll have so many chances. Don't stop chasing your dreams—create as many dreams as you can. Mom might becoming a little bit annoying to you as you grow up because you'll think you and her have the opposite personalities, but the real thing is, she is trying to guard you. She knows once you fell off, it's hard for you to get up. So she is keeping you from things that might knock you down to the ground. And surprisingly, she is right about that. Stop creating stupid runaway plans inside your head from now on.
Hey, you know what? You have dad's eyes and mom's lips. At least they are still together in there. :)
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