need a break?

So many things struggling on my mind. Sometimes all I wanna do is find a hidden re-start button of my brain and, poooof, shut it down for a while--I want to forget things for a while.

I want to escape my pretty rough world, eventho I might sound like a pathetic loser. I wish I could get in to Narnia and when I get back to my real world, everything happens with the way I want.

I want to get back to a couple years ago. When I was still 2 or 3. When everything went peacefully (at least I thought it did), when the only thing that could makes me cry is when somebody breaks my favorite toy..

Time flies so fast. Really fast. Sometimes I feel like I couldn't realize every single thing that happens to me. It feels like I just celebrating my 6 birthday, but then I see a 16 years old girl in the mirror. I'm not a 6 anymore. I couldn't remember when did the last time I'm counting sheeps before I sleep, when did the last time I'm afraid that there might be something under my bed, when exactly people start to break my heart, not my toys anymore..
I need a break. We need a break. What if we could stop the time just to take a breathe...

But I believe in one thing: God won't give us trials we can't handle. Every beautiful thing takes its time to be happened. Just don't let anything makes you down. Everybody deserves to be happy with their lives, and you either :)

Things I love

I know I sound like on the highest level of "self-crisis". I woke up this morning and thinking, all these unimportant things are not worth any pain I felt. If loving someone brings sadness and tears, let it go, it suffers you, and don't hold on something that suffering you. What's the point of living a life? To be happy, enjoying every little thing that happened--whether it's sweet or bitter, to chase dreams, to win.

Well, I wanna tell you what I love to do, and makes me  so happy.

I love doodling randomly. It could take hours, and makes me forget things around me. Usually I’m doodling during those boring classes, such as Indonesian class… Sociology class… I rather doodling than sleeping. But well, I sleep during classes too honestly.

have a classmate that love to do this thing too. Call him Adit. Here is one of his random doodle (and it’s on my notebook!) :D

Now tell me, who doesn’t like music? Listening to my favorite songs is my #1 mood-booster. Headphones on, world off. I love to lock myself in my room and listening a bunch of songs on my playlist all day long using headphones. We need to ignore the world sometimes, don’t we?

That’s 10 songs I’ve been listening most of the times. What’s yours? Tweet me. J

Then..  you have no idea how I love this kind of sport. I love basketball, and it’s more than a hobby. For me, basketball is one of important things in my life. I might be a bit late to join, but, hey, better be late than not at all right?

Buffering videos on YouTube is my hobby nowadays. And so far, this one is my favorite:

Doing things above is really work for me.

Hypersensitive

"It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it." - Roseanne Barr
I wish I could be as simple as that quotes above. But in fact, I'm not. I don't have this "bulimic" or such thing, I just feelin' so desperate everytime I stare at the mirror and seeing my body shape from head-to-toe. I'm fat. But it doesn't mean that I wish for a skinny body or what... but with this height, I'm fat.
Well, today I just checked my weight in my school's medical room and feelin' a bit down. I didn't do any weight-loss like I thought I did.

I'm not this kind of girl who being wanted by every guy. Well I admit it. And most of times, it makes me feel like "I won't be good enough for that guy I like". People keep talking about this "inner-beauty" thingy that appears from a "self-confidence", but I don't know why I just can't believe it. Sounds like I didn't be thankful for how I am now, huh? Forgive me, God.

I'm being so hypersensitive of what people said about me these days. Ugh. It's because of this kind of feelin' that somebody just make me feel. God, I really hate "falling-in-love" phase. I hate it. I hate the way this thing makes me feel pathetic and not good enough to fall for someone.
This guy, is such the "it' boy. Sounds like a teen-drama, I know. I kinda hate my schoolmates' reaction hearing about me, liking this guy. They were like... "ahaha, you?" :/ nah. I should be back off. I think all I can do is just watching him from his back, and he will never turn around to see me.

pictures above from here.

A Little Flashback :]

This time, I will post something in Indonesian. hahaha. I'm Indonesian anyway. Nah, apa yang bakal aku post ini sebenernya "pe er" gitu dari a friend of mine, Basith (panggil aja bocah jerman ya hahaha :p)

Flashback?
eum, pertama masuk SD tahun berapa ya....2001 kalo ga salah deh. Aku sekolah dari kelas 1 saaaampe kelas 6 di SD Muhammadiyah 2 Pontianak. Termasuk murid yang super nakal. Di sana ada peraturan ga boleh jajan jajanan yang di luar pagar sekolah. Berhubung jajanan favorit pas sd itu dijualnya di luar pagar sekolah, of course aku harus melanggar that kind of rule. hukumannya pas ketauan? mungut 1000 sampah. asek.


Guru Favorit?
Aku suka semua guru di sana. Mau galak, mau engga, they were nice, I guess. Soalnya, mereka tuh worth to remember sampe udah SMA begini. Kalo dikenang kenang tuh, mereka lucu banget. Cara mereka ngehukum, ngomelin, nasehatin, duh. Udah SMA jadi kangen banget. :')


Guru Killer?
BAHAHAHAHA. Aku selalu berurusan sama guru guru killer. Pelajaran matematika pas kelas 4 dikeluarin dari kelas soalnya, berhubung ini sekolah swasta Islam, jadi sebelum belajar harus baca surah surah pendek, dan aku ga baca. Malah ngobrol. Trus pernah dipanggil keruang BK dengan berbagai kenakalan yang yah... anak sd banget lah.


Teman Bolos?
Maih sd ga pernah kepikiran bolos. *saint*


Teman Berantem?
can you guys believe that temen yang dulu sering berantem sama aku pas sd sekarang jadi salah satu my besties? that's nature law. time goes by, people change :)

this was my diary when I was a 6th grader. That's a (horrible yet embarrasing:|)
picture of me and my bestfriends. bestfriends, until now. :)

Jajanan Favorit?
yang ada di dalem sekolah: indomie goreng. Dan selalu kebagian mie nya pas udah bel masuk. Jadi makannya kebut kebutan. Bibir doer soalnya mienya masih panas :|
yang di luar pagar: es tebu. sosis goreng. kacang rebus. dan masih banyak lagi.


Jajan Mainan?
POSTER SAILORMOON. Dulu koleksi aku banyaaaaaak banget. Rela desak desakkan sama murid murid laen setiap pulang sekolah. Rela di omelin mama gara gara duit jajan biasanya abis beli itu doang. *fingercrossed*


Sepatu/Tas Favorit?
Sepatu ga jauh dari tomkins lah sama tas export. Anak sd mah nurut aja sama mama mau dibeliin apa terima aja.


That's it! Thanks Basith! ;)

such a perfect match

I love the weather these days. It's raining almost everyday. I've spent a lot of time in front of my laptop screen, buffering some videos, covering my body with a big warm blanket and my frozen feet with socks, and hot chocolates. But sometimes I'm going out from home for some basketball practice. But today, I had a fun soccer under the rain with a couple of friends--the guys. And it was including this guy I was talking about in the previous post. Playing out in the rain never been this fun before.

I've been listening to Is It Okay If I Call You Mine for a couple of times and all I can say is I love it. It fits the weather, I mean, mellow song like this plus this kind of weather are... such a perfect match. However, this song is kinda into me.

"..and what I'm tryin' to say isn't really new 

it's just the things that happen to me

when I'm reminded of you

like when I hear your name, 

or see a place that you've been, 

or pass a house that you've been in one time or another.. 

it sets off something in me I can't explain, 

and I can't wait to see you again.."

Paul McCrane - Is It Okay If I Call You Mine